They who cut

Sacramento, California
11 October 2008

Listening to Marv Penner talk about kids who cut gave me a strange cocktail of emotions made up of relief, hope and sorrow. Here was a man who truly wanted to help, and he has clearly invested an amazing amount of time, energy and resources into this – I don’t think many people will be able to profess to get anywhere near that.

I loved the way he started off with the optimism and hope that Jesus can bring. That’s what it’s about. But as he was sharing the stories of those he has helped or are helping, I couldn’t help but see the faces of those I’m helping. Feeling their pain, hearing their stories and more than often, lying awake at night processing those feelings of helplessness and surrendering them to God.

It heightened the intense emotions I often have when preparing to meet those I’m helping. The absolute jumble of feelings and thoughts I have – am I really helping? What if I say something wrong? What if they don’t trust me? What can I do? I ask myself where is the faith and the hope? Not that I’ve lost my faith in God, just that sometimes it’s hard when I’m facing the actual situation and I need to be, or I think I need to be strong.